


A Matter of Trust

by FrozenMemories



Series: Femslash February 2020 [10]
Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Episode: s05e10 No Humans Involved, Episode: s05e13 Nesting Dolls, Episode: s05e14 Unbearable, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:01:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22682128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenMemories/pseuds/FrozenMemories
Summary: Shortly after the team is split Sara comes to realize that she should give Sofia a chance instead of the cold shoulder.
Relationships: (None of that shippy shit), Sara Sidle & Gil Grissom, Sofia Curtis & Sara Sidle, Sofia Curtis/Sara Sidle
Series: Femslash February 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632643
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	A Matter of Trust

_I miss being trusted,_ the words keep ringing in Sara’s mind. She can’t help thinking back to how she started out in Vegas, brought into a situation much similar to Sofia’s and to be honest all she wanted back then was exactly the same thing Sofia’s just expressed – to be trusted.

She doesn’t doubt the former day shift CSI’s skills or integrity and she really can’t fault her for a certain loyalty towards Ecklie – he’s been her boss long enough for them to have worked their way into a functioning professional relationship.

Still, in spite of what sensibility tells her, there’s a strange tension she feels around the other woman.

Maybe it’s the effortless way in which she’s connected to Grissom and Greg so fast. They’re _her_ guys, her team.

Although the real issue here might not even be the new addition to night shift but rather the loss of her long standing, well working team - family even, if she dares to be that level of honest with herself. She too misses being surrounded by colleagues she can trust and who trust her in return.

Of course, she knows Grissom does but he is first and foremost her boss and there has always been something strained about their relationship, his trust is certainly not comparing to the friendship and easy banter she has developed with the guys, and even Catherine over the years.

Now she is left with only Greg, whose blind faith and admiration is endearing and flattering but still feels imbalanced. Even though he’s passed his proficiency and made it level one he still feels more like an apprentice, someone who looks up to her instead of being on eye level.

She really should give Sofia a chance, she supposes. Maybe, despite their differences and rocky start they could reach something akin to what she used to have with the old team. She makes a conscious decision to at least try. She won’t have to aim for a friendship right away but there’s no need to give her a hard time on purpose.

But not today. The case hit much too close to home and all she wants is to go home and not talk to another single soul.

~

It’s not that her resolutions aren’t honest but between emotionally draining cases and a lot of crap going on for her personally, approaching Sofia in a friendly manner does not take priority. Although a friend would do her some good, she thinks when she sits at home alone, suspended after a blowout with Catherine and subsequently with Ecklie.

She already regrets it, even though she is too stubborn to admit it yet. A part of her longs to reach out to Cath, to explain herself. Things between them have shifted but Catherine always understood. She should probably address that with her therapist at some point. They have just worked out her issues with men, particularly in superior positions. She hates the term _daddy issues_ \- that’s not what it’s ultimately about - but she can’t deny that she seeks out approval from the men she works with and for. She obviously has a problem with women, too. Superior or not, she’s always found it more difficult to _connect._ Guys, especially the ones on her team – former team – are just so much more approachable.

She adds it to her mental to do list: Talk to Dr. Calvin, apologize to Catherine, be nicer to Sofia.

A knock on her door disrupts her routine and she is both flattered and embarrassed that Grissom made the journey all the way down to her apartment just to check on her.

Never in a hundred years would she have thought he’d be the one she’d open up to. It was never her intention to share any of her recent (and much less her deeply buried, long existing) struggles. But he’s there, confronting her. And she’s had a lot of time to think and she’s weak and tired and eventually she can’t hold anything back anymore.

It feels good to let it all out. It feels awkward that it's in front of her supervisor, though he _is_ her friend as well, and she's again reminded that she doesn’t have too many of those.

He tenuously tries to console her by holding her hand and it’s not anything she ever wanted him to do but it's strangely comforting for a while.

What she really wants, craves, is to fall into someone’s arms right now – just not necessarily his. She’s regained enough composure to sit back and retreat from his gentle grasp and while they’re both still processing the heavy burden of her past that she’s just shared she wonders how this situation, this very conversation, might have gone differently if it had been Catherine or Nick or even Warrick or Greg to come seek her out.

She can’t picture it.

She’s too tired to picture it.

She can’t really think with Grissom giving her that pained, sympathetic but utterly helpless look.

Clearing her throat she leans forward.

“Thanks for coming,” she tells him, “Don’t take this the wrong way but I’d really like to be alone for a while.”

He nods, “Of course. Thank you for entrusting me with this.”

They say goodbye at her door a little while later and she promises to come to him whenever she needs a friendly ear.

When the door closes she leans heavily against it and closes her eyes.

~

She’s back on duty soon enough. Ecklie isn’t happy to see her but it feels good to know she has her supervisor’s support.

She finds Catherine in her office and closes the door behind herself. It’s a rocky conversation and she’s not ready to share her story again so soon after that mental breakdown with Grissom but the outlines she can give are enough to get a wry smile from Catherine. They agree to let it drop, there’s no need to get into details. Adjusting to her new supervisor position has Catherine on edge as well, she isn’t too proud to admit to Sara. They’re both impulsive and if it hadn’t been for Ecklie barging right into their argument they might have never talked of it again.

It still feels good to say _sorry_. Sara files that realization away for later and then she’s out of Catherine’s office and back on her new case.

~

Greg expresses his concern and she cannot help feeling touched. She has no intentions to have another emotionally draining conversation that day and she keeps it short, but gives him a quick rundown and an honest, thankful smile. His gesture is sweet and she appreciates him for it.

She does have friends after all.

~

She finds herself a while later in the garage with both Greg and Sofia. Not for the first time she notices that she actually works quite well with them. Greg’s gushed about Sofia on several occasions already and Sara has to bite down on a tiny sting of jealousy every time. If only she could be a little more like them - open, trusting, easy going. It’s when Sofia drops a casual comment about Greg’s apartment that Sara’s stomach turns into a tight knot.

“You’ve been to Greg’s apartment?” She asks, unable to hide how much that unsettles her. “Who hasn’t?” Sofia jokes and Sara doesn’t state the obvious: _me._

It’s not that Greg never tried. Sofia is right, he does invite people over, it means nothing, really. Still, she didn’t expect Sofia to become part of Greg’s circle so soon. The thought distracts her for a while, not from the car they’re processing but from participating in the easy going conversation between the other two while they work.

~

“She’s fitting in pretty well, huh?” Greg comments later, when it’s just the two of them in the corridor. Sara presses her lips together to keep from making a sarcastic comment. She’s not ready to admit to Greg that he’s right. Not about this.

It’s now or never, she decides and follows in the direction Sofia has taken off in a minute earlier and catches up with her just as she’s about to knock on Grissom’s door.

“Sofia, do you have a moment?”

Sofia turns with that effortless grace she used to charm her way into the hearts of Grissom and Greg. Something unpleasant stirs in Sara again but she promised herself to do this.

“Would you like to have breakfast together?”

Sofia quirks her eyebrow in a somewhat bemused expression.

“Are you asking me on a date?” Her matter of fact question catches Sara so off guard that she opens and closes her mouth silently before she stutters out a reply.

“I uh, no. I mean. I just… thought we could have uh… breakfast together. Like friends?”

She doesn’t get flustered this easily but Sofia exudes such a strong sense of confidence that Sara feels entirely ineloquent. And then Sofia just gives her a very lazy grin and says, “Damn shame, you’re cute.”

Sara stares at Sofia in disbelief. Somewhere in the back of her mind she's aware that she should react but her brain is just drawing blanks.

"You coming?"

Sofia is already a few steps ahead of her by the time Sara's legs set into motion and she throws her a look over her shoulder, probably to see if she's following. There's a smile on Sofia's face and a swagger in her hips that Sara isn't sure she's noticed before. And now that gives her a whole new range of things to think about.


End file.
